The signs are there all along, we just overlook them, sometimes we underestimate. The escalating frequency of tantrum and put-downs. Appalling generosity turning selfish, more and more. The verbal explosions of irritation and subtle manipulations to have his way. Her grievances constantly turned around on her, so that everything is her own fault. His growing attitude that he knows what is good for her better than she does. But the woman also sees that her partner is a human being who can be caring and affectionate at times, and she loves him.
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
its often difficult to understand when you are outside looking in but i think what is most important is for the victim to know is that its not their position to fix anyone. The number one priority is to be safe while convincing the abuser to get help. very insightful write up.
Thanks Tonia,I love your feedback- very inspiring!