Kike comes Undone…

Every problem has an expiration date they say, but nobody ever truly knows when? She slams her fist at the wall and muttered deliriously. How much longer? the impact was a lot more painful than she expected, she winced.

“Mum are you ok” ? Boluwatife, her 2-year old daughter asked in concern. But she didn’t respond, honestly- this time she couldn’t.

How can she be OK when her life has veered so dangerously off the tracks of her dreams? How did she become this person- this strange girl she can barely recognize.

Ofcos there is a lot to be grateful for- they tell you to think like that. But who was she kidding, she hated this life. This feeling of helplessness slowly choking her life, tenderly.

Yet there is a lot to be thankful for. A roof over her head, 2 beautiful daughters she enjoyed playing mum to. But to be honest, playing mum wasn’t enough- it never will be.

Her phone rang shrilly, piercing through her reverie with a startling stance. But all she did was just stare at it, she  wasn’t in the mood for small talks.
goddess_mahina_iii_by_eyelevelstudio‘Not in the mood’ seem to be her current status. In fact she should put that on Facebook, but there wasn’t an emoticon that could represent her current feelings.

It gets better with time, her mum had said. But she wasn’t her mother- everyone knew she wasn’t. she can’t stop thinking, wondering how different her life would have been if she had never given up on herself. Yes Jamb was hard, but good things don’t come easy. She wished somebody had told her that. That the harder things get, the harder one has to fight for them.

Suddenly she felt some tiny arms around her. It was Boluwatife giving her a hug. Mummy, “I love you so much”, she said. “Please stop feeling sad”.

“Boluwatife  dear”, she responded, “Mummy is struggling to put her life together”.

“Why-  but your life is together”? She wrinkled her tiny nose thoughtfully.  ” So do you need help”, Boluwatife asked very puzzled00056_04, Angkor Wat, Angkor, Cambodia, 1998, CAMBODIA-10111. A little girl looks at the carvings. Magnum Photos, NYC8848, MCS1998012 K041. Sanctuary: Temples of Angkor_Book Retouched_Ekaterina Savtsova 11/7/2013

She laughed, omg! 2-year olds are ridiculous. Ofcos I do need help but its not that simple? “Hmmmmmm” Boluwatife sighed, “I guess. Come lets sit down on the floor mummy. And you can talk to me”, she tugged at my fingers.  I allowed her to lead me to the center of the living room.

“Please sit down” she said. And for a while I smiled bitterly. Children can pick the oddest things. “Now lets start from the beginning” she sat down folding her legs nicely beneath her- “I am listening”.

Tomi, my eldest daughter had crept up behind me. She hugged me from  behind. “Tell us mummy” she urged, “you know we are here for you”.

She glided away  as quietly as she came, ” but I will like to sit on the sofa if you don’t mind”, she wrinkled her nose at the wooden floor, adjusted her glasses and began to scribble in her note.

She looked just like me at that age, I realized. How did I raise these amazing girls I wondered as I cleared the lump in my throat noisily.

“Well I really don’t know where to start”, I started…

“Yes Mummy you do”, Boluwatife cut me off with her newly found authority. “Start from when you were as little as you could remember”. “For instance”, she rolled her doe-like eyes, “when you were like me”…

“But don’t start yet, I need to grab some cookies”.

Oh boy! I sighed, children really do learn- and very quickly at that. My children have perfected all of my expressions and exaggerations!

From the beginning- ha… I close my eyes, that shouldn’t be hard those were the happiest moments of my life. I smiled in reminisce and relax as I prepared to take my children, down a familiar memory lane.

 

…To be continued

 

 

 

 

 

 

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