I have heard people complain about not being “happy”. I know Pharell tried so hard to cheer the world with the song happy, good try Pharell! The concept of happiness however has eluded many for generations. Next to the Holy grail- the key to happiness is perhaps one of the unsolved puzzles of our times.
I have spent the last few years finding “happiness”. This search involved me moving spontaneously to a city where I didn’t have as many friends, or an awaiting job. This search also involved me thinking deeply and spending quality time with God to ask questions. I had know by first hand that being married, having a high paying job, or being able to buy what I need as well as some of the things I want ( I love shoes by the way) is only temporarily fix! Unlike joy, happiness is a state of mind. You need to establish it.
So here is my first tip to finding happiness: Relationship, relationship, relationships!!!
Start with a consistent relationship with God. Like an anchor let him ground you as you assail the sea of life. Next you need to build quality relationship with people that can inspire you or you can inspire. Every time you are surrounded by people who fall into neither category- you are creating an imbalance. This imbalance will ultimately result in unhappiness. Life is about relationship they say, but you don’t need every relationship. You certainly don’t need everyone. Keep your circle tight with good friends, family members, people that can support and you are also willing to support through this journey called life.
More importantly, every good relationship starts from within. Enjoy and love yourself. Be friends with you so you can befriend others. I step out of myself sometimes just to observe me. I call this checking my personal blind spots. You can’t depend on others to make you happy. You can’t depend on a job to make you happy either. Marriage definitely will not make you any happier if you haven’t straightened out the mess within. So everyday, I start with me and my personal trainer (the Holy Spirit). I cheer, I talk sometimes, I scold but I laugh at and applaud me too. I am constantly aware of every emotion I extend to others. I genuinely like people when I meet them, but it will be insane to connect with everyone. So I have learnt to sift my emotions, to know exactly what I am extending because the truth is you invite people into the party you already started. I just like to vet the guest list myself.
Loving yourself starts with forgiving yourself and others. We all make mistake, that is why we all should move on. The reason why most people don’t move on, is because they refuse to acknowledge things ( hurts, pain, disappointment, loss) in the first place. So I say- deal with it!!! Cry, shout, take a break, exercise, go on holiday- do whatever gets your mojo going. But deal with it! Like any wound, opening it up and cleaning it out is the fastest way to heal.
Next celebrate you. Your baby steps, those small victories and tiny milestones. Do not wait for the big moments, that is always set in another time! Start by appreciating the little things so you can build a healthy portfolio of memories. Most importantly, this will keep you aware of your progress and help you remain grateful. Now, a heart filled with gratitude will definitely be a happy one!
Never look at your life through the eyes of others you cannot get their full picture! Stay in your lane, and run your race. We live life in seasons, enjoy which ever one you find yourself in and look forward to the next. Take it from me, no matter how glamorous the other person’s life may appear- you may not want to walk in their shoes! You will be surprise at exactly how uncomfortable and how much such shoes hurts. So keep marching, keep walking, keep building and remember the key to your happiness is with you, be careful not to lose it!!!